Have you ever had those moments when there's just someone missing. You know if they were there they would love what you were doing. If they were there the moment would feel perfect. You want so bad to call them up and invite them, but you can't. You can't invite them or share the experience with them because they've died.
Last night was one of those moments.
We had a couple hours of opportunity open to go on the boat. The weather was perfect and it was a weekday so the lakes would be quiet. We packed up and headed out as quickly as possible so we could collect as much sunlight as possible. This was vivianna's first ride on the ski boat.
That's when it all came rushing it. It's like a whole football team charging you at once. You can see what's coming and put on your padding to cushion the hits but when you do get tackled it hurts worse than you thought. Almost like you shouldn't have bothered with the pads, they didn't help!
Vivianna's first boat ride…Sam never had a first boat ride. Another dream shattered and torn from me.
Damn it! I wish he was here. I wish he never had to leave me.
Sam, were you there? Were you with us?
On our way home we saw this beautiful sunset filled with so many colors. I asked Michalina what she thought of Sam's beautiful work. Her response, shouting to the heavens, "Thanks Sam for the beautiful sunset!"
Lucas and I well up with tears.
With the sunlight reaching through the tiny crevasses the clouds left, I ask her, "Do you know what those are? Those are the angels singing."
She remains in the intense stare at the sunset and reveals the most content, happy, proud smile.
I will never forget that smile it was as if Sam reached out and hugged her. She was immediately connected to him.
Those moments when someone's missing and he reaches out and fills your heart with love.