Poetic

Just now driving home from a morning breakfast-picnic at Sam's park and an afternoon of shopping with my girls, I see it...

The first and only Monarch butterfly I've seen all season.

It was beautiful. Just as I remember it on that cold windy late October day at Sam's park.

My little boy saying, "Hi, Mommy, I'm here."

This one was different.

I first noticed it as the van in front of me smacked it with the car.

It quickly disappeared from sight. It was gone just like that. Another victim to passing car.

Just then I see something fly from the front of this car and flail in the sky, as if trying to stay afloat.

The Monarch.

Desperately clinging to life.

Trying to fly.

Trying to stay alive.

I watched helplessly as this beautiful creature danced with death. Obviously there was nothing I could do....

But drive and flashback to 2 years, 2 months, and 4 weeks ago.

Did he dance with death?

Did he desperately cling to life?

Or was it quick?

Did he suffer?

I would have saved him if I could.
If I'd known.
I would have laid my own life down for him. I still would, just for a moment with him.

...and it was gone. I could no longer see dance with death. I supposed it died. How could something so fragile survive.

Life's fragile.

Life changes in a second.

Life is out of my control. I hate that.

That Monarch was my son. Gone in an instant.


Ahhhh...He laughs again at me. You don't make it easy to find faith.

That's my boy...

 I was at Sam’s Park the other night and it was freezing. Cold, I mean 57 degrees out and windy as all hell; that’s probably why the 57 degrees felt so cold. I know those of you from the Midwest are thinking 57 degrees is warm. This is not true when you have just gotten out of a mid October week that was reaching temperatures of 80+. That’s right, we went from 85 to 57 in about a day’s time. Got to love Midwest weather.

So, anyways, I was at Sam’s Park, it was about 6:00 and the sun was setting. Michalina was playing around, as usual, while I had my time with Sam. All of a sudden she says, “Mommy, look it’s a butterfly!” I thought to my self “yea, right. Not in this weather-”

Well low and behold there she was, clinging to a bush right across from Sam’s wall. She stayed there the whole time we were there. She let me take a million pictures and even opened her wings twice. Other than that, she just hung on for dear life in the cold wind. I don’t know why she was there at that particular moment or night. But she gave me the reminder that my son is okay.

Thank you Sam for my little message. I love you baby boy.

Michalina-ism #5

Michalina drew a picture of her and I and this is what she said. "This is up and this is me. You are happy and I am sad." 
Hmm, that's kinda odd that she is the sad one, so , I reply, "Why are you sad?"
"-because I wish I could go to heaven."