There has been something on my mind that I feel desperate need to write about, it has only been recently that I knew how to put my feelings into words. Desperate in a kind of way like I need to write to organize and release some emotions. Recently I was put into a situation were I have felt my character, my grief, my decisions, and my new journey have all been judged; all by the unexpected.
Of course this was all completed indirectly; you know with out actually saying this. I am I guess once you experience grief like we have I believe we are put into a category unlike any other. We have experienced the ultimate. To bury our babies our young children. I'm sorry if I offend others but there is no comparison; not a sick child, not the loss of a sibling/parent/spouse, not even a handicap child. I'm not saying that these are not terrible things to go through. These all come with there own set of trials, heartache, and challenges. I'm saying that they cannot be compared. I can't even compare my loss to another stillbirth. I may be able to relate in some ways better than someone who has had the loss of a loved one. But I cannot say I know just how they feel. That would be unfair.
I also know that each journey is different. Even thought it may seem "fine" from the outside doesn't mean that person is not shattered and tattered on the inside. I have no right to pass judgement on their decisions or character. There is one thing I've learned thus far, things and people are not what they seem.
I guess what it comes down to is this, I feel like my grief has been judged and disrespected. I feel I was asked to complete tasks that I was not ready to do and be a person I cannot be at this time. As selfish as that sounds only a baby loss parent could understand.
I found this quote on Pintrest the other day. I feel this sums up exactly how I feel.
Only trust someone who can see these three things in you
The Sorrow behind your smile,
The Love behind your anger,
and the Reason behind your silence.