Honesty is the best policy

So, some of you have been following me for a bit or have read my "Dear Readers". I think it is safe to assume that you guys know how honest I am with my posting. Then again, there are some of you who are friends and family and have known me for quite some time...
Here is another raw and honest post. I forewarn you that these thoughts are not towards anyone directly, just raw emotions...


Here it goes. When will it get easier to hear about people's perfect little family...of four! Hearing about people's outings with mommy, daddy and kids just makes me want to hurl! Could it be jealousy, absolutley. I don't deny that at all. I also know that it brings up a handful of emotions I'd much rather keep at bay. That sadness, creeps in and manages to bite me and consume me. Hearing about other perfect little family's with no death concerns in the world is like salt in an open wound. When will this feeling go away!! I don't like it, it makes me feel like an awful person. 
I feel like family's live their lives with normalcy and not have to worry about what emblem they are going to put on their son's crypt wall. They go on living a life of innocence and here we are left to live a life in fear that we will be victims of a silent delivery room. Maybe it stings because I am at a point that there is nothing I can do to change or improve on in my situation. I am stuck! Stuck in the realm of grieving. Stuck in this spiral that has no end in sight. I will always be missing my son, he will never be in my arms again, and my daughter will always have a bother she can't play with. I will always be answering questions of death and heaven from a little girl that held her still brother. 


Innocence and naive mindsets are over-rated. Society is a fantasy.