One Year Ago Today....Part 2

It has taken me over a week to write the rest of this. After Sam's first angelversary/birthday passing I have been on an emotional roller coaster. Celebrating my husband's birthday the same day as Sam's, Michalina's fourth birthday two days later, Mother's day one day later and the one  year marker of Sam's memorial/funeral, and other reasons I'm not ready to get into. Needless to say I am drained. I am drained. I am drained.

These are thoughts that ran through me leading up to Sam's birthday and one his day.

One year ago today I awoke naive...

One year ago today you gave us news that you were on your way...

One year ago today your big sister was filled with smiles that she was going to finally meet you...

One year ago today we accepted your forthcoming two weeks early and excitement began for Daddy's lil' birthday gift...

One year ago today we arrived at the hospital and heard the news that you have gained your wings without Mommy ever knowing...

One year ago today your Daddy crumbled at the knees in utter desperation after hearing the news that his newborn son was already in heaven...before he could even say hello or goodbye...

One year ago today you changed our family...you made us four...

One year ago today you slipped silently from my body in the arms of an unfamiliar doctor...

One year ago today I laid in a delivery room praying out loud for you to cry and prove everyone wrong...

I can still hear my words...
Please baby breathe, breathe Sam breathe. 
Cry Sam, please Sam, please.


One year ago today we were told by an unknown doctor that you enter into heaven a day or days prior to your beautiful entrance...


One year ago today our lives changed forever...


One year ago today we had to deliver the news to friends and family that your much anticipated entrance into this world was over and never to be...


One year ago today you Big sister walked into the room with a confused look wondering why her brother kept his eyes closed...


One year ago today your big sister proudly held you and called you her brother...


One year ago today we said hello and good bye to our sleeping angel...

One year ago today you changed our lives forever...


One year ago today I had to physically let you go to never hold you again...
...never...
to see you smile...
hear you cry...
to see your chest rise and fall with every single precious breath you took...
...never to live the hopes and dreams we had planned for you...

One year ago today our world fell apart...

One year ago today we exchanged a promise...
...a promise to never forget...
...eachother.

Mommy loves you sweet baby boy, Mommy loves you.
Happy 1st Birthday, Sam.