Birthdays

Birthday's. Ah, birthday's. 

Everyone wants to make a big deal out of it...except for you. 

In my family we have always made a big deal out of birthday's. We usually go out to eat and exchange gifts. Well things have been different for me since Sam died. And that makes it hard for them to accept. 

I hate my birthday.

Any parent who has lost a child could sympathize with me. It's hard to celebrate another year of life when you have buried your own child. 

Now, I'm not asking for a pity party on my birthday or trying to offend anyone by not cooperating. I'm just asking for it to be quiet. Just me and my family. 

I wept on my birthday as I gave Sam his pumpkin and parented him the best I could. 

I still want to be with him. I still want to curl around his casket and hold his little body as I drift away. 

Birthday's. 

Another year of life.  

Another day closer to holding my baby. 

I love you baby. 

Mommy loves you.